Lose Your Fears: Part III, Fear of Being Uncomfortable

              It has been a while since my last post, as I have been spending most of my time with patients in the hospital and reflecting upon my first month of clinical rotations, but I am back now with some hopefully, helpful wisdom. To finish the series, I prefaced the need to lose our fear of uncertainty and our fear of failure with the idea that the final connection would be to lose our fear of being uncomfortable. It seems like everybody likes doing things in three- a three step plan so to speak, but the reality is that these three fears are interconnected and without addressing one you will most likely falter in addressing the others. In the kinetic chain of fears, we are only as strong as our motivation to tackle all three head on.

            So, the fear of being uncomfortable- what does that mean? Well let’s start with the basic premise that being uncomfortable is an undesirable state for most and we have an internal drive to reestablish a state of equilibrium by disturbing the unpleasant sensations back to being more pleasing. Now, the easiest situations of balancing pleasure and pain involve situations in which we have voluntary control. Ask anyone who pursues high intensity interval training or intermittent fasting and they would be lying if they said there was not some degree of discomfort. The fact that we can control, for the most part, how and when we can return to a more balanced state allows us to no longer be fearful of intense exercise or going more than 3 hours without a protein bar. And while I practice both of these principles on a daily and weekly basis, by no means do I feel that this addresses a fear of being uncomfortable- yes I recognized that I may be in some states that are less pleasurable, but there really is no cognitive barrier stopping me from pursuing these practices. So that brings us to the real question, to truly find what you are afraid of doing because of the unpleasant conditions that may develop, you must ask yourself what are the conscious or unconscious barriers stopping me?

            In my personal case, I have found when I lack control of my own schedule or are unable to manage, at least on a rudimentary level, how my day will unfold, I feel uncomfortable. Most of us agree, even the most spontaneous, that we need some semblance of order as well as some free will to dictate how our lives are carried out. While I can say the unpleasant physical sensations during a HIIT session may be more acutely disruptive, the anxiety and mental stress invoked when it comes to the fears I described above are not on the same planet. In yogic traditions it is often said that one pursues a yoga practice not to become some different, enlighten person, but to just become more self aware of the barriers preventing us from living in our true happiness. So in an answer to what are one’s barriers to tackling the fears of being uncomfortable, we must be both aware of when we are in distress AND spend time reflecting on the cognitive distortions from these fears that we internalize and rationalize as being who we are. In letting go to the fear of being uncomfortable, we are allowing ourselves to see that our being is no different in the state of discomfort or in the state of pleasure. It is our thoughts and rationalizations as to why the uncomfortable sensations are actually unpleasant and the ease in which we identify ourselves with these cognitive distortions that ultimately prevents us from stepping outside the box.

            How do I put this into practice? Simple, the next time you find yourself dreading an afternoon meeting, procrastinating writing a paper or piling up trash in your room instead of taking a second to clean- ask this question: Am I actually afraid of doing the activity because it is an unpleasurable activity or am I simply afraid of being in a unpleasurable state because my previous experiences performing these tasks were awful and my current emotional and cognitive state tells me it is going to suck. Now realistically, there is probably some truth to the fact that there is some degree of discomfort to cleaning an incredibly dirty room, but what if instead of dreading the dirty socks, you decided to accept the task and actually mindfully notice what it is you feel performing the activity, rather than what your thoughts seem to be telling you even before you start.  While we can all use something distracting to help us through mundane activities- try instead to be mindful one day while you are folding laundry or typing up your final paper. My hunch is that incrementally tackling these states of discomfort with a more mindful awareness will make the activity an entirely new experience. Yes, cleaning your room will not suddenly feel the same as a great family meal at Christmas, but you may find some new satisfaction from finally doing the things you thought you dreaded most. Gaining pleasure from the pain, what a seemingly impossible idea